Coping with divorce is never as easy as I make suggestions here on “what to do after divorce”. What will be your Life after divorce, depends on only you. How you have taken it is the most important matter here.
Divorce was never meant to be the outcome of marriages. It is the unfortunate product of a once sweet marriage that turned sour. Though not always the best and recommended path to take, sometimes it is the best thing to do.
Marriage is meant to be a lifetime deal full of bliss and commitment from both parties. It is not always the case. Some partners take marriage and the other partner for granted. Marriage is a two-way street, and if that principle is violated, then divorce lawyers are in for some bucks.
Common Reasons for Divorce
Even though the reasons why marriages end up in divorce courts are as numerous as the people who marry, some reasons appear to be common in many divorce cases.
Sexual immorality plays a devastating role in marriages. It causes loss of trust and love in the wedding. Men, in particular, do not recover from being cheated, and although they may not divorce right away, the constant thought of being cheated slowly pulls them away from the marriage.
Although money plays a significant role in bringing couples together, it plays an even bigger role in pulling them apart. Most couples do not have the same mentality when it comes to saving or spending money, and this results in regular fights which slowly but surely builds a wall between the two.
Some people marry without any idea of what they are getting themselves into or what to expect in the marriage. When the reality and difficulties of marriage sink in, they “escape” as soon as they get a chance to do so.
Loneliness, which affects mostly women, is a huge factor leading in divorces. Along the way, partners tend to ignore or cast a blind eye on each other’s needs as they pursue financial success and career growth. Once intimacy is gone, the two lovebirds become strangers and love fades away.
Constant fighting and arguments eventually lead to divorce. All couples fight, but if fights become regular and heated, chances of divorce are very high. Fighting pulls couples apart. It takes love away.
What the Bible Says about Divorce
According to the Holy Bible, specifically Mathew 5 vs.31 and 32, a man can only divorce her wife on the grounds of fornication.
Even though divorce may seem imminent and inevitable, one needs to check if all roads have been travelled in order to salvage the marriage. Problems are sure to arise, but we need to check if we tried hard enough to fight them.
If a marriage is in danger and the couple can’t resolve issues on their own, they should seek external and professional help.
“The right time to divorce”
No marriage is perfect, but it shouldn’t be a preview of hell either. Marriage should not be abusive. It should not take away someone’s right to freedom and a person’s identity. Marriage should not be a prison without bars, but an institution of love, security, happiness and hope. Marriage should give you the liberty to lead your life, and a strong desire to share it with your partner.
What to do after divorce
After a divorce, one should take the time to heal. Do not jump into a relationship just the sake of being with someone, but do so when you are sure you are ready.
Forgive yourself and your ex-partner. Free yourself from the ghosts of your failed marriage. Learn from your mistakes and approach your new relationship with a different attitude.
Your child is not baggage, but a part of you. If somebody claims to love you, they should love all of you, including your child. Never compromise your child for your new relationship; you already did so in your failed marriage(s). Assure your child or children that though you are in a new relationship; they will always come first in your life.
How to deal with child after divorce
In any divorce case, children are the victims. They need to be protected as much as possible. Otherwise, it will have a lasting psychological effect on their well-being.
Children should be shielded from court battles as much as possible. No partner should use a child as a way of getting back at the other partner. When it comes to custody, partners must seek an amicable resolution, and no child should ever be made to choose between the parents. A child needs to be reassured that even though the parents are separating; s/he is loved just as before.
How to Deal With Divorce Grief
Divorce is not an easy thing to go through. It is a virus that creeps in marriages, and I wish there were an antidote for it. We cannot run away from it. It is part of our lives. It is devastating and may even have negative lasting effects on people if not dealt with in an efficient manner.
When we get married, we invite the possibility of being either a divorcee or widow /widower. When it comes to divorce, it is not easy to let go; especially if you are not the partner who initiated the divorce. Some people don’t see divorce as the end of their marriages but as the end of their lives. They drown in their tears.
Divorce is only a chapter in the entire story
It is natural to be hurt and feel betrayed. We all have different ways of handling such situations in our lives, but if we don’t do it the right way, it may have an adverse impact on our social and professional lives. The earlier we deal with it, the better. Though a divorce may hit us by surprise or anticipation, we need to know how to keep moving after it.
A divorce is only a chapter in the story of our lives; it is not the whole story.
Take Time To Cope With the Storm of Emotions
Firstly, do not suppress the pain and the anger or any other emotion that may be associated with it, give yourself a reasonable amount of time to go through it. Accept what has happened, accept that you won’t be coming home to the hugs and kisses of your ex-partner.
Do not play the victim or the villain. After the divorce, there is no winner, loser or hero. Only broken hearts and a broken home is what is left. If there were children in the marriage, remember that they may be affected a lot more than you.
Holding a grudge against you or your ex-partner will not do you any good. It will eat you from the inside and never give you the chance to move on. For once, be “selfish” and do something that benefits you. Learn to forgive and forget. As hard as it may sound, find a place in your heart to do so.
Throw Away the Past
Find a way to let go of the past. Even though it’s impossible to erase or delete the memories you have of your ex, find a way to create new memories. Old memories will only bring back the past and the pain associated with it.
Remain Alone is Never the Solution
Remember that no person is an island and cannot thrive in isolation. Make good use of your friends, go out more often and meet new people. Do not spend most of your time in an environment that reminds of your former life. Be open to the possibilities of life. Be open to surprises.
Make Yourself Busy
Find something new and exciting things to do. Keep yourself busy. Take a new hobby or part time job. It ensures that instead of living in the past, you are progressing into the future.
Stop Blaming Yourself or Your Ex
Do not be ashamed of divorce. Otherwise, you will spend the rest of your life in hiding and wondering how things could have turned out differently if you acted or behaved in a different manner. It is no longer useful to point fingers at yourself or ex. It’s time to focus on your life and future avenues to take.
Accept Today’s ‘You’
Embrace your new status. It doesn’t matter how long you had been married, but now, you have entered the world of singles. Connect with people. It doesn’t mean you have to look for a new relationship immediately.
You Are Not The Only One
The world will not stop because you just had a divorce. You are neither the first nor the last. If it’s too much for you, join support groups and hear from those who have indeed suffered the same pain as you. You never know, you might even meet your match there.
Never Lose Trust
Lastly, do not paint everyone else with the same brush as your ex. Learn to trust people again. Love yourself. Believe in yourself and take charge of your destiny. Divorce doesn’t mean you are a failure; it means you are strong enough to let go.